IMAGINE AGAIN
(Sometimes I feel like a fatherless child)
‘cause
Papa didn’t say…take your time young man
Papa didn’t say…don’t you rush to get old
Papa didn’t say…take it in your stride
Papa didn’t say…live your life…live your life!
And for her life would always seem hard
especially since father’s love decided to fall apart
and…die
as she came to him with joy in her eyes
bearing the miraculous surprise
of…me
so their first son I was supposed to be
but father didn’t want to bother with the responsibility
of instilling in me his wisdom and humility
so alone mother and me began the journey toward what had been prophecy
and though father fled during pregnancy
still I…grew inside her womb
unknowing that it would also be the tomb
where father forfeits his gift of fatherhood
upon giving me the gift of life
but still I continued to grow
although unknowing of his caring sighs
or loving lullaby’s
so with pain in her voice and tears in her eyes
she sang:
and though I…
never received confirmation from his voice
still I knew I was being brought here by choice
because…
Destiny had made me
and I existed under water for nine months
so that Infinity could finally give birth to her baby
but for an Eternity I’ve been tortured by the torment of not having a father
simply because he figured it would be harder
to…raise a son
much harder than it had been for him to have sex and cum
so…when it was my turn to come
he decided to turn his back on responsibility and run
faster than crowds scatter form the sound of a firing gun,
faster than I gave up the habit of calling out to a father who didn’t want to be one
so when father’s day would come, the only songs I ever sung to help me through this drama…
were for mamma
because even though times were rough
she always knew how to make ends meet just enough
for both of us to eat
and…when our home had no heat
she boiled pots of hot water on the stove
so that I could fall gently to sleep
while she…stayed awake
walking the thin line between love and hate
trying to contemplate
the reason for my father’s unexplainable escape
and I can still remember being too young to understand
whether or not daddy wasn’t coming back or if he was just real late
but…mamma always assured me that stayin’ up wouldn’t be worth the wait
‘cause…daddy made up his mind to stay away
when he realized that responsibility came with his ability to procreate
and so…I learned to create
my own figments of father figures who never fled
and were always around to tuck me in my bed
while listening to every word I ever said
and… even though I held fast to these Dreams inside my head
I kept awakening to these Nightmares
that showed me some fathers just don’t care
and…even though mamma’s love was always more than just enough
it still hurt at night to think my father really didn’t give a fuck
but…
all I can do is pray
that when comes the faithful day my child arrives
I won’t turn away form the magic in his or her eyes
and bring clouds to their brightened skies
simply because I…
never want to become this man I most despise
and have to go through life thinking that my child must cry
like I did…
when I was just a kid
and…couldn’t understand how any man wouldn’t want to take his son’s hand
and…walk him through both good and bad times
or…buy lollipops that only cost a dime
and…treat me to ice-cream whenever I screamed it was too hot to endure the sunshine
but I’m…sure that’s what mother’s were made for
to endure all the…
blood, sweat, and tears
accompanied by the years
of anguish and occasional fear
that…come with raising a son
playing as the role of both mother and father
when mine didn’t want to be one
and…doing a damn good job of being both mommy and daddy
especially since I never got to see one
so…it was and forever will be,
her and me
bonded by a tie stronger than blood
for…all Eternity
‘cause when father wasn’t concerned with me
mamma’ always turned to me
and said:
Mamma always said…don’t you rush to get old
Mamma always said….take it in your stride
Mamma always said…live your life…live your life!